


Break My Heart

by TorrieGrayson



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Series Rewrite, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-04-23 06:18:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14326413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TorrieGrayson/pseuds/TorrieGrayson
Summary: series retelling that takes place from episode 6-13.based on the Tumblr request: "Billy Russo x Reader request where she's in love with him, but she finds out about his darker side and his dealings and she becomes scared of him? Maybe she was friends with Maria and Frank as well before everything went down."If you're only here for the smut, skip to chapter 3. (consider giving the rest of the series a read though...it's definitely worth it.)





	1. Blackbird

“Blackbird to Raven, come in. Come in Raven. Raven, this is Blackbird…”

The sound of static made you stir in your sleep. It was your boyfriend’s voice coming from the dining room of your loft that finally woke you up. You threw back the blankets and got out of bed. Not bothering to grab a robe, you padded out and into the dining area.

Billy was sitting at the table—still wearing the suit he’d left in yesterday morning—as he tinkered with the dials on an old military radio. There was a microphone and recording equipment on the table as well. The only light was coming from the sunrise as it shown through the big window in the connecting living area. You were immediately concerned, wondering if this was the start of another PTSD episode. Occasionally, he would have trouble sleeping or find himself having flashbacks.

“Blackbird to Raven…”

He didn’t seem to notice as you approached calling his name. Billy jumped when you placed your hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me,” you whispered softly, smoothing your hands down his arms to calm him. “What’s all this?”

Billy straightened up, clearing his throat and tapping one hand on the table while massaging the bridge of his nose with the other.

“I don’t. I don’t know,” he sighed.

“Blackbird and Raven? That was you and Frank, right?” You sat on the table in front of him, leaning down to place your hand against his cheek as he leaned into your touch. “He’s gone, Billy.”

“They never found a body,” he began. “I just. Sometimes I just get the feeling he’s still around, you know?”

“I think you’ll always feel that way, Babe. He was your best friend-“

You were cut off by the recording picking up and playing again.

“It’s set to broadcast every hour,” he explained.

He stood, standing between your bare legs and wrapping his arms around you as he rested his head between your neck and shoulder.

“I miss him, Y/N.”

“Me too.” You sighed, trying to fight back the tears that were forming. You grew up with Frank and he had been the closest thing to a brother you’d ever had. His family was your family. Maria and the kids had meant so much to you. You pulled back, “I think you should take the day off,” you suggested, clearing your throat.

“I don’t know, Y/N. I’ve got a building full of new recruits right now. We’ve got a boat leaving tonight-“

“Someone else can handle it for today. All these late nights and early mornings; you’ve been going nonstop for I don’t know how long now.” You loosened his tie and started on the top button of his shirt. “This is the same suit you left in…yesterday morning. I’m worried about you, Billy.”

Billy swallowed, feeling guilty as he remembered spending last night with Dinah. He’d only come home to you because he’d been upset with her for using him to get information on Frank.

“You’re too good to me,” he whispered, sounding a little bitter.

“Don’t I know it,” you said, kissing him.

The kiss quickly turned passionate as he pulled you closer, trailing soft kisses down your neck until he reached your collarbone. “I love you. You know that, right?” he said, lifting his head to look you in the eye. He looked worried, almost pleading. Like whether you knew or not would make or break him right now.

“Yeah, ‘course I do,” you smiled. “You don’t let me forget it. I love you too.”

Your words seemed to relieve some of the tension he was holding. You could feel him relax as you held each other.

After a moment, you could hear your alarm going off in the bedroom. “You working today?” Billy asked as you hopped off the table, heading for the bedroom. 

“Yeah, I switched shifts with Ash this morning so she could take care of some things.”

Billy walked behind you, pulling his clothes off and crawling into bed as you put yours on. Suddenly you regretted doing this favor for your friend. You couldn’t shake the feeling that it would be better for you to stay home with Billy today. When you finished, you climbed on top of him. 

“I know you’re gonna go to work today anyway,” you said, walking your fingers up his chest, “but promise me you’ll try to get some rest first, okay?”

“Yeah.” He pulled you closer, placing a few sweet kisses on your lips before you left for work.

* * * * * *

You had been gone all day, so you were a little surprised when Billy wasn’t already home when you got there. You guessed that things had taken a little longer than expected with the boat.

“BLACKBIRD TO RAVEN…”

You yelped, having forgotten about the timed broadcast on the radio that was taking up your dining table. “Jesus, Billy,” you said to yourself, walking to the radio and turning the volume down a little.

You headed for the kitchen, set on finding something quick for dinner. As soon as you opened the fridge, you heard a key turn in the front door followed by it opening and clicking shut.

“Hey babe,” you called, still rummaging in the fridge. “Feeling better?”

There was no answer. You lifted your head above the door. “Billy?”

“Right here,” he’d said. He wasn’t at the door where you expected, so when his voice came from behind you, it caught you off guard. You turned to look at him just in time to see him shut the radio off, disconnecting wires and packing it all up. Maybe he’d realized that it was a little silly; sending radio signals to a dead man.

“What’s with the gear?” you asked, thinking it was a little strange for him to be dressed down instead of in one of his usual suits.

“Boat.” He’d said plainly, as if that one word should have been enough of an explanation.

“Were you expecting a fight?” You closed the fridge and turned to him, giving up on dinner.

Billy hesitated for a moment, then busied himself with removing his gear. HE spoke almost absently, “I don’t know.”

Billy was a little off this morning, but right now he was raising some red flags in your mind. You stepped closer, loosening the straps and undoing the buckles on his gear, setting pieces on the table as you both went. “What’s going on with you?”

“I’m fine,” he said, suddenly avoiding making eye contact with you. “I’m tired.”

“You’ve been staying out a lot lately,” you started, your voice was low as you fought back tears and tried to focus on the buckles. “You’ve been having nightmares, this morning you were broadcasting to Frank,” You felt him tense at the name. “Now you’re suddenly done with the radio and you look like you did when you came back from Kandahar.” You took a deep breath, resting your head on his chest. “I just want you to be okay,” you whispered.

“I’m fine, Y/N.” He kissed your hair, trying to reassure you, but you couldn’t fight the sinking feeling that he wasn’t.

“Come to bed,” he suggested, pulling you into the bedroom.

Billy was gone again when you woke up the next morning.


	2. Clandestine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's getting more difficult for Billy Russo to manage his double life. Takes place during Episode 7. The underlined text does not belong to me.

The next morning, you weren’t so surprised that Billy was gone, as you were that he didn’t bother to let you know he was leaving.

You’d been thinking about your boyfriend all day, so on your break, you decided to go out and grab lunch from Billy’s favorite restaurant and walk it the few blocks to the Anvil building to surprise him.

As you walked past the sliding, glass doors, you made a beeline for the elevator.

“Hey, Y/N. Mr. Russo’s not here today,” Stacy called, quirking an eyebrow at you. She gave you a look that recognized you as familiar, but one that also said ‘why are you here?’ Stacy maned the front desk at Anvil. If anyone came in or out, she knew about it.

“He’s not here?” you asked, turning to walk to her desk.

“No, ma’am,” she confirmed. “Said he’d be out of the office for a few days. He didn’t give me all the details, but I’m pretty sure he’s working on that CIA contract. Didn’t he tell you?”

Your brows furrowed and you bit your bottom lip, thinking. ‘Did he tell me?’ You straightened up, “I must have forgotten,” you resolved.

Stacy smiled at you sweetly.

You sighed, gripping the take-out bag in your hand. “Hey, have you had lunch yet?”

She looked at the clock and said, “Not yet. I go in about thirty, why?”

“Do you like Richies?” you asked, holding the bag of lunch out to her.

* * * * * *

Billy was on his way out of Madani’s office, mentioning that he liked “the naked thing” when his phone buzzed. It was a text from you, so he decided to wrap things up. “No one’s listening,” he said as he was leaving, not considering that it might tip Madani off to the bug nestled in her bookshelf.

_“I brought you a plate from Richies. I was hoping we could have lunch together.”_

Billy tapped away on his phone as he made his way out of the building.

_“Upstate working this CIA deal. Sorry.”_

_“It’s fine. I gave it to Stacy. Will you be home tonight?”_

Billy put his phone back in his pocket, not bothering to respond before he got in his car and drove up to the Safe House that Rawlins was in. He had been admiring the scenery and the view of the country through the windows when Rawlins asked him, “Still sleeping with Madani?”

That effectively pulled him from his thoughts. “Every chance I get. Have you seen her?” he said without missing a beat. Just then, as if he were suddenly reminded of you, he pulled out his phone and read the text that you had sent hours ago.

_‘Tomorrow,’_ he responded, before tucking the phone away again.

* * * * * *

The next day, you had the day off, so you took the time to do some cleaning around the loft. You didn’t know when to expect Billy back, and after a few more unanswered texts, you decided not to try him again.

You relaxed the day away after you finished cleaning. You settled for ordering takeout and catching up on your favorite show.

After Billy left the hotel staff to find the bodies of Bennett and his girlfriend, he headed straight home. As he made his way up the steps to the loft, he realized how long the past few days have been. In less than a week he dealt with finding out Frank was alive, deciding to turn him over to Rawlins, the raid on the base, killing Bennett, and balancing his relationship with you and Madani—which to be honest, he was confused about himself.

He knows he loves you—he’s got no doubt about that. You’re always there to get him through it when things get tough. He admires your level head and your calm approach to everything. You never let him down. Madani, on the other hand, is just sex and information; neither of which he really wants to turn down. Needless to say, Billy was tired, drained emotionally.

It was late when he got home. When he pushed the door open, he was surprised to hear the tv still going. He found you sleeping on the couch with a thin blanket wrapped around you. He turned the tv off and uncovered you gently to carry you to the bed. You stirred a little, vaguely aware of Billy carrying you, but once you were in the bed you got comfortable and fell back asleep. You didn’t wake until you heard something hitting the hard floor in the bathroom.

You padded across the room into the bathroom. Billy was holding his shoulder with a gauze in one hand, and trying to thread a needle using his teeth and the other hand. Immediately, you took over. You picked up the bullet off the floor—presumably what woke you up—washed your hands, and turned him towards you, taking the needle and sutures from him.

“Keep pressure on that.” You said, nodding at his shoulder as you threaded the needle. “What happened?” you asked with a yawn as you started stitching.

“Training.”

You let out a heavy, irritated sigh. “Since when do you use real bullets for training?”

Billy started to talk, but you cut him off. “You’ve got two, day old bruises from being shot here and here,” you said ghosting your fingers over the places that his vest had protected him the other night. “Dried blood under your fingernails, and on your knife. This,” you accused, looking up at him and purposefully pulling the final stitch a little too tight, effectively earning a grunt and a little smirk from Billy, “was not from training.”

Billy loved it when you called his bullshit, but he had to admit that he was genuinely surprised that you had noticed so much in the few minutes that you had been in the bathroom with him, especially since you were clearly still trying to wake yourself up. He took a deep breath, deciding to tell you the truth, but only enough of it to get you to stop asking questions.

“I worked a contract upstate. It got a little messy,” he confessed as he scrubbed the blood from his fingernails while you took his blade apart, cleaning the blood off the individual pieces as you went.

“Looks like it was more than a little messy.”

Billy clenched his jaw as he watched the final drops of pink swirl down the drain. It was something that he did when he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You had noticed it early on in your relationship, and more often than not, it was your cue that you wouldn’t get any more out of him; to drop the subject because whatever it was was really weighing on him and he needed time to go over it in his mind before he could say any more on it. You’re not sure he even notices that he does that.

When you finished wiping down the knife and washing the flakes of blood off your hands, you leaned your head on his good shoulder and yawned again. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

Billy looked at you in the mirror for a moment. “Thank you.”

You raised your eyebrows and laughed a little. “For what?”

“All this,” he said gesturing to the suture kit on the counter. “I’ve been a shitty boyfriend lately, yet here you are, at 2 in the morning, barely awake and taking care of me.”

You shrugged. You hadn’t really thought anything of it. You always patched Billy up, whether it was a physical bullet woundlike tonight, or when he was struggling with memories from his past. This was normal for you. You stood on your toes until your lips reached his, giving him a quick peck. The one quick kiss turned into a few slower ones as Billy ran his hands down your body, pulling you closer to him.


	3. Verity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place Immediately after chapter 2

Billy pushed you on the bed gently before covering your body with his own, pressing little kisses on your lips and down to your throat. He kissed your collarbones, and your breasts, covering your nipples with his warm mouth and swirling his tongue around each of them before he continued on his path down your stomach.

Billy tugged your panties down your legs, nipping and licking your inner thighs and running his hands up and down your hips as he went. He nuzzled your folds with his nose, making you jump a little, earning yourself a genuine Billy Russo laugh. “Relax,” he whispers before dipping his tongue into your center.

“I’m relaxed,” you try to argue, but you cut yourself off with a moan before you can finish as Billy slides a finger into you, curving it up as he pulls it out slowly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that,” he teases, his warm breath hitting you and his lips barely brushing against your clit.

“I said,” you paused, raising yourself up on your elbows to look at him, half expecting him to tease you again. “I am relaxed.” 

Billy hummed, licking a quick stripe up your center as he lifted his head, making you jump again. “No. See, I know when you’re relaxed, and this isn’t it.”

Damn him and that cheeky ass grin. He was right though. You had woken in a start, stitched up a bullet wound, and cleaned someone else’s blood off of his knife. He’d been much more secretive and on edge lately, working messy contracts back to back, and there was the whole thing with the radio a few days ago. You couldn’t help but worry about him and whatever it was he wasn’t telling you. You were not relaxed. You just hadn’t realized it until now.

He came up on his knees, leaning up to kiss you again as he added a finger inside of you, working you over and laying you back against the sheets. Again, he kissed everywhere he could reach while he told you to relax again, this time, adding his own notes about how much he adored you. You took a deep breath, your hands finding a home in his hair as he ducked back down between your legs, licking and sucking as he fingered you until you came.

“That’s better,” he said, leaning back on his knees and licking your juices off of his fingers.

You watched him for a moment, marveling at the man above you. “Definitely better,” you agreed breathily. “I love you,” you said suddenly, biting your bottom lip.

Billy popped a finger out of his mouth as he grinned at you. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s perfect.” He leaned down over you, caging your body in his arms as he nuzzled your neck. “Because I love you too.”

After discarding his underwear, he captured your lips with his again, deepening the kiss as he ground his hips against yours a few times before entering your wet core, eliciting a moan from both of you as he buried himself inside. He slid in and out of you slowly at first, adopting an agonizing pace to build you up again. Billy hooked his arm under your leg, pumping into you deeper and harder, hitting a spot that drove you mad. At one point, it was impossible to tell who was moaning louder, who was begging more desperately for more, and before long you were coming again. Your legs trembled and your walls fluttered around the fullness of him as his thrusts became even harder and more erratic, signaling his own climax.

Billy rolled off of you, dragging you with him as you lie on your sides together catching your breath. He brushed your hair back with his hand as he watched you begin to drift back to sleep. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

You just hummed and inched closer to him. Before, you would say something back about his own looks, but in time you had learned that after a torn rotator cuff in a group home he didn’t care for those kinds of compliments.

The next morning, after a long, hot shower, Billy took some extra time to get ready. He always took his time to get ready for the day, but once a week, he would go the extra mile. Wear his best suit, freshest tie, use the ‘special occasion’ hair gel. He brought new meaning to the phrase ‘Sunday best’.

You watched Billy get ready. His mouth set in a hard frown and his eyes drawn tight together as he buttoned his vest and lifted his collar to put on his tie. ‘Now who’s the one who’s not relaxed,’ you thought to yourself.

You hopped up from your spot on the bathroom counter, picking up a blue tie from the few he had set out for today.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” you asked, draping the material around his neck to tie it.

There it was again, that little involuntary clench of his jaw before he looked at you. You knew it was a signal that he was uncomfortable with the conversation, but you had grown like that little movement. “She’s my mother, Y/N.”

“And you can’t stand the woman. You’re already paying her hospital bills. She’s not even competent enough to hold a conversation with you and if she could, I get the feeling she’d just try to make you feel awful about yourself. These visits just serve to torture you-“

‘Because she’s the only person I can tell everything to,’ he thought. ‘I can tell her how I betrayed my not dead best friend, how I betrayed you. I can tell her how afraid I am I’ll lose everything I’ve ever worked for.’

“I know. But it’s important to me. It’s therapeutic or some shit, I don’t know.” He put on his suit jacket. “I just want her to keep seeing how well I’ve done without her.”

“Okay,” you said. Giving up the weekly argument.

He gave you a chaste kiss before making to leave.

* * * * * *

Billy had come home that night, and you cut out the few stitches you’d put in the previous night. He was gone when you woke up, but this time he’d at least let you know beforehand. He was meeting an old military friend about arranging another contract.

After that, he’d called to let you know he wouldn’t be home until the next day because the contract was a-go and he wouldn’t have time to come back. Whatever had gotten into him these past few weeks, had gotten better and he seemed to be back to himself. Things were back to normal.

You had been feeling sick and a little worn out today, so you‘d taken the second half of the day off from work. As soon as you got home, you’d taken some nausea medicine from the cabinet in the bathroom. Rinsing your face in the sink, you took a few deep breaths, trying to remember what could have upset your stomach before your thoughts drifted to other potential reasons for your sudden nausea. The sound of your front door slamming shut drew you from your thoughts. 

You walked out into the main area, shocked when you saw the state that Billy was in. His clothes and skin covered in dirt and blood. As he stripped his gear and tossed it in the washer, you saw that he even had blood smeared on his face.

“What the hell happened?”

He lifted his head, sighing heavily. “We got bad intel,” he explained, throwing the last of his clothes in the washer. “I lost four guys today.”

“Oh my- Billy, I’m so sorry.” You were immediately concerned. Billy usually took death pretty well. It was just a thing that happened to people, especially in the armed forces or in a private military. It was unavoidable. What was so concerning this time though was the fact that these were men he served with overseas, not just some random independent contractors. They had been his friends.

“It’s fine.” He closed the lid and started towards the bedroom.

He’d only been in the shower a few minutes when his phone rang. You ignored it, starting on dinner since you figured a home-cooked meal might ease him a little bit. It was no replacement for losing four friends in one day, but it was something. His phone rang a few more times. By the fourth call, you walked over and picked it up because whoever was calling clearly needed something important. There was no picture for the contact, but the name said ‘Dinah’.

“Hello?”

“Billy.” The voice on the other end was raspy and frail. The woman sounded shaken like she was trying not to cry.”

“He’s actually in the shower right now, but I can-“

“Billy, please come and get me.”

You hadn’t noticed when the shower stopped running.

“Who’s that?” Billy asked, coming into the room.

“Hold on a sec, okay?” You handed him the phone, shrugging.

Billy’s demeanor changed as soon as he saw the name on the phone.

“Dinah? Hey, calm down, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. Billy never called anyone sweetheart. He didn’t care for pet names beyond ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ and those were rare. Sweetheart was just plain out of the question. You frowned, listening to his half of the conversation.

“Where are you? I’ll be right there. Don’t go anywhere, okay?” His tone, though authoritative, was caring. He hung up the phone, cursing as he carelessly tossed it onto the counter before he retreated into the bedroom.

You followed behind him, standing in the doorway as he scrambled to dress in jeans and a t-shirt. “What’s going on?” you asked from your spot.

“Not right now, Y/N.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Jesus, Y/N. Would you just shut up for one fucking second?! That’s what you can do, alright?”

Okay, so one phone call and he’s flustered and suddenly taking his shitty day out on you.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” you said, fighting back tears. “What happened to not bring that shit home, huh? I’m not the enemy here, Billy.”

Billy brushed passed you, grabbing his phone and keys on his way to the front door, slamming it shut behind him.

As the door slammed, the tears you were holding back finally sprang forward.

So much for back to normal.

* * * * * *

Billy came home later that night expecting a fight. He’d run off to help his girlfriend, taken his anger out on you when all you were trying to do was help. He may have been a cheat, but even he was able to acknowledge that the way he yelled at you earlier was uncalled for. 

He didn’t expect to see you packing a go bag when he walked in. “What the hell is all this?” He asked.

“I need a few days to myself. I need to think about some things.” You tried to keep your voice even, but it was evident that you had been crying for quite a while.

“I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“Dinah Madani,” you started, but Billy cut you off.

“She’s a friend.”

“A friend you call ‘Sweetheart,’” you corrected him.

“She was upset, Y/N. Her partner had just been killed. I was trying to calm her down.”

“Sam Stein. I know.” Billy frowned at you, not expecting you to know already. “It was on the news,” you explained.

“Her partner died in her arms during a raid and she had his blood all over her. She was upset and too shaken to drive, so she called me to take her home.”

“Her partner dies and she calls you. Not the police, not a superior. You.”

“Like I said. She’s a friend.”

“Are you sleeping with her?

The question surprised him. He knew you were beginning to suspect, but he thought he still had enough of an excuse to throw you off for a while. He didn’t expect you to ask him so bluntly. He crossed his arms over his chest before answering.

“Yeah.” He would have seen a new trail of hot tears flood from your eyes, but he’d been too much of a coward in that moment to look at you.

“How long?” you asked.

“Y/N.” He was trying to spare you the specifics.

“How long?” your voice a little lower now.

Billy clenched his damn jaw again and suddenly you hated that little involuntary tell of his. Finally, he said, “Since that CIA training deal at the office.”

Suddenly, your skin crawled and you found yourself fighting the urge to puke again. You felt disgusted. Disgusted with yourself for not realizing he’d been cheating for so long, for not realizing that he’d probably been sharing a bed with you and her on the same day sometimes. Disgusted with him for betraying you like this after everything you’d done for him.

You nodded and Billy didn’t say anything. He just watched you pack, throwing random clothes and toiletries into your bag and zipping it up.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you made to leave the room and Billy got out of your way. He didn’t try to stop you.

You turned back to him before you reached the front door. “Why?” you asked, struggling harder to keep your composure.

Billy ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t have a reason, Y/N. I just did.”

“Well,” you gulped. “I hope your new girlfriend patches you up at two in the morning and knows how to handle your stress and your flashbacks and all your goddamned baggage.”

You stepped out, slamming the door behind you and wiping your face before taking the steps to the main floor of the building.


	4. Former

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features flashbacks and a few cliche's. The italicised text does not belong to me.

Billy closed the door to Dinah’s apartment. Your leaving him had hit him harder than he thought it would. He missed you the moment he saw you packing a bag. He missed waking up with you in his arms the next morning. He hated how quiet the loft had been when he got dressed this morning. 

He had come to Dinah hoping she would take his mind off things, but that “sex is not gonna make your problems go away,” line had been more for him than for her, considering that he had just turned her down when she was practically throwing herself at him; offering to give him exactly what he had come by for. “People like us get back on the horse,” he whispered to himself before calling the elevator.

You barely slept after you checked into the hotel. It was hard to get Billy off your mind for long enough to sleep, but when you did sleep, it took an explosion that couldn’t have been more than a few blocks away to wake you. As it was happening, you had rushed to the window of the hotel room, opening the curtains just in time to see a huge cloud of smoke and hear a couple more explosions go off.

That’s what had you sitting on the bed watching the news unfold for the past few hours. You had finally calmed down enough to feel safe where you were since the bomber was targeting specific organizations that he felt hindered his freedom. You felt queasy again, but before you could make it to the bathroom, you saw Frank’s face on the TV. He had been spotted on an officer’s dash cam.

Tears formed in your eyes as your mind raced. He was alive. You’d been mourning at an empty grave this whole time while he was still in the same city. Why hadn’t he come to you? After everything the two of you had been through, didn’t he know he could trust you?

Just after they reported on Frank, painting him as the bomber, you saw Billy on the news too. Another bomb had gone off in the hotel he was supposed to be working in and the body count there was nearly in the double digits. Supposedly Frank and some kid had gone on a spree, targeting the senator. None of this made any sense. You sat down, the tears finally falling freely as you listened to the interview.

_“I thought my friend was dead. Turns out he was. This man who’s back; he’s a monster. Fortunately, I have a very close relationship with law enforcement…What happened to you, Frank?”_

‘What the hell happened to you, Billy,’ you thought to yourself, thinking back to how different he’d been the first time you’d met him.

* * * * * *

“I don’t know about this, Frank,” you said, nervously adjusting the collar of your shirt for what felt like the tenth time that morning. “What if he’s a creep?”

This was supposed to be a casual meet up, but Maria had picked out your clothes for you and put some makeup on you. On the way to the diner, Frank had told you he wanted you to meet his friend; awkwardly suggesting that maybe you two would hit it off and start dating. So that’s why Maria had dressed you up.

Frank laughed from his spot behind the wheel. “He’s not a creep, Y/N. I wouldn’t do that to you, you know that.”

“I know, but…how well do you know this guy, again? What if he seems fine on the surface, but deep down he’s-“

“Billy saved my life, Y/N. More than once. If I hadn’t met him, I might be six feet under right now. Billy Russo’s a good man, trust me. Besides, Maria likes him.” Frank smirked at you in the rear-view mirror, hoping that would be enough.

“He’s got the Maria Castle seal of approval, huh?” you said thoughtfully, leaning up and nudging Maria on the shoulder.

“Yes, he does,” Frank said.

You looked back to Maria expectantly. “Really, I think you’ll like him. Give him a chance.”

“Alright,” you agreed, finally giving in.

When you reached the diner, Billy was already seated at the bar.

“How’s it goin’, Bill?” Frank clapped the man on the shoulder and he stood to give Frank a proper hug and he and Maria exchanged kisses on the cheek.

“Hiya, Frankie, Maria. You must be the famous Y/N. Frank doesn’t shut up about you.”

The first thing you noticed was how smooth his voice sounded. The man’s words were spun on a silken tongue. 

You smiled. “That’s me. I hope Frank hasn’t told you too much…”

“Only good things. I promise,” he assured you, winking and returning your smile.

You and Maria found a table, while Frank and Billy waited for your orders at the bar.

“God damn, Frankie-“ Billy started, letting out a low, appreciative whistle.

“Easy, Bill. I promised her I’d kill you if you tried anything.”

“She’s gorgeous is all I’m saying. Besides,” he sat up straight, adjusting his jacket. “William Russo has changed his ways, remember? Quality over quantity,” he boasted with a wink, referring to himself in the third person.

“I think I’m starting to regret this already,” Frank joked.

Back at the booth, Maria had pinned you in next to the window, making an early escape impossible. Smooth move, Maria.

“What do you think?” She asked excitedly.

“The term devilishly handsome did come to mind…he is pretty charming,” you admitted.

Maria practically squealed in her seat. “I knew you’d like him!”

“Hey, I just met the guy! So far so good, but don’t you and Frank go planning any weddings, alright?”

“I won’t make any promises I can’t keep,” she responded, earning herself a light punch to the shoulder.

It turned out that pinning you in the booth was unnecessary because once you got out the initial kinks of the blind, double date thing, you and Billy were really hitting it off.

“Ugh,” Billy groaned. “Would you look at those two.” He nodded to Frank and Maria slow dancing next to the jukebox in the corner.

“Yeah, makes me sick,” you said, playing along.

“Wanna get out of here?” you asked suddenly. “Diner’s not really my scene.”

“No? Lead the way.”

You got up and grabbed your coats. Billy left a few dollars on the table to cover the bill.

“Looks like you were right.” Maria started, pointing out that you and Billy were leaving. “Frank Castle, matchmaker. Who knew?”

Frank pulled out his phone.

“So what is your scene?” Billy’s phone buzzed. “Excuse me.” He picked it up. You could vaguely make out Frank’s voice on the other end. It was a short, one-sided call.

You laughed. “Frank threaten to put a bullet in you if this goes rotten?”

“He promised it wouldn’t be fatal because he owes me one, but yeah. He really cares about you, huh?”

“We grew up together. Frank was all I had after my parents were killed when I was pretty young. His family took me in and he’s always acted like a big brother ever since. As you can see, he’s a little overbearing sometimes. He did say you saved his life a few times, so, thanks for that.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dig up bad memories.”

You shrugged. “Things worked themselves out in the end. And I’m sure I’ll pay you back eventually.”

After a while, the sun was setting, and you hadn’t realized how long you’d been walking and exchanging stories. 

“Thanks for walking me home,” you said, breaking the comfortable silence that fell between you too as you approached your apartment building. “Wanna come up for a drink?”

“I’d say yes, but I don’t need any more bullet wounds.”

“I think you’ll be fine,” you started, “though Frank is a pretty good shot.” You shrugged. “He did promise it wouldn’t be fatal, right? Maybe you can dodge a few before he lands a shot” you continued playfully, pulling him up the stairs.

“I hope you don’t live too far away,” you mused as you poured yourselves another drink. “It’s a little late to be walking around drunk and alone in the middle of the city.”

Billy yawned. “I live on the other side of town, actually. I’ll just call a cab.” He stood and pulled out his phone, clumsily dropping it.

“Nope,” you decided, leaning down to pick it up. “You’re staying here for the night.” You got up a little too quickly for yourself. The room was spinning and Billy caught you before you crashed into him.

His body was warm against yours as you got lost in each other’s eyes. He leaned down and captured your lips with his. He tasted like alcohol and the sweets from the diner earlier. You pressed yourself into him, and he surprised you by lifting you up. Your legs quickly wrapped around him for stability as the kiss deepened.

His lips only parting from yours for long enough to ask where the bedroom was. You pointed him in the direction, and less than a minute later, he was dropping you on the bed and crawling over you.

You pulled his shirt off and unbuckled his pants before he made quick work of yanking your jeans down your legs. You kicked them off, letting Billy unbutton your shirt. With every loosened button, he kissed the bare skin that was exposed until he made his way down to your panties, grazing his teeth lightly over the thin material, earning a lusty sound from you.

He came back up to kiss you again, letting you feel his hardness against your core. “Tease,” you whispered.

“A little,” he smirked, taking to your neck to lick and bite as you palmed his erection. His hips jerked forward and he bit a little harder, both of you moaning at the torture you were doing to each other.

“Hey,” Billy said, moving your hand from his jeans.

“What’s wrong?”

“I may have promised Frank this wouldn’t happen. At least not tonight.”

You sighed, “You cannot be serious right now…”

He looked down at you apologetically. “I like you, Y/N.”

“Clearly,” you mumbled. “Your hand is still in my underwear.”

“Sorry.” He removed it slowly, and you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sensations.

“Alright,” you conceded. “We’d probably enjoy this more if we were sober anyway.”

“Probably,” he said, kissing you again, dipping his tongue into your mouth and getting the two of you warmed up again.

“Okay, Billy Russo,” you began, breaking the kiss and getting out from under him, quickly realizing that if you weren’t going to have sex, then one of you needed to get up right now. “You’re sleeping on my couch.” You disappeared into the bathroom, coming back with an extra pillow and a blanket. “and I’m gonna take a really long shower.”

He took the blankets from you after he buttoned his jeans, adjusting himself at the new tightness of them. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, tease.”

The rest was history.

* * * * * *

You were pulled from your thoughts when your cell phone rang. You didn’t know the number, but you answered anyway, turning down the television.

You cleared your throat, hoping to mask the tears. “Hello?”

“Y/N. Listen, Is Bill with you right now?”

It was Frank. The news that he was still alive was a shock, but hearing his voice again was just overwhelming. Your hands were shaking and you fell to your knees. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you sobbed into the phone, finally breaking and unable to hold any of this in anymore.

“Y/N. I’m sor- Is Bill around?”

“No, we-” Frank cut you off. He was being short with you, and it sounded like he may have been running.

“Good. I need you to get to this address right now. Don’t let anyone know where you’re going. Don’t…don’t let anyone follow you, alright? Can you do that for me?”


	5. Reunion

You didn’t know what to expect when you got to the address Frank gave you over the phone. On the way here you had imagined a few things, but ‘abandoned power station’ hadn’t been on the list.

You slipped through the break in the fence and when you pulled the heavy door to the building back, whispering for Frank, you were met with a gun to your face. It was held by a thin man with too-long hair, wearing a scruffy bathrobe that didn’t look to be in much better shape than he did.

“What the hell are you doing here-“

Before he could finish his question, you snatched his wrist, disarming him as you slung him to the floor, pulling on his arm with your foot on his shoulder.

“I have had a long week and I am at the end of my rope of patience. You’re going to tell me where Frank is right now, or I swear to God, I will rip this arm out of the socket,” you threatened, pulling on it for emphasis and effectively making the yelp from his place on the ground.

A few moments later, he—David, as you had learned his name was— was pointing you in the direction of the bathroom as he nursed his shoulder.

Your face had been set into a scowl after being greeted with a gun, but your breath hitched and you froze when you rounded the corner, finally laying eyes on Frank. Your features softened when you saw him rinsing so much blood off his face. He used his left arm to lift his right up to the wall and pulled a flat, jagged hunk of metal out of his arm. More blood spilled freely into the sink.

“Frank?” Your voice was low, full of concern, but he heard you. He looked at your reflection in the mirror in front of him.

Finally finding the will to move, you sprang into action, unzipping your hoodie and draping it on one of the old stall doors on your way to Frank. You got in front of him, carefully grabbing his arm. Frank locked eyes with you for a long moment. The skin of his arm was hot with pain and inflammation and his body was tense, but you spotted the smallest bit of relief in his gaze. One hand held onto his wrist and the other moved to his elbow, fingers slipping slightly in the warm blood that covered his arm there. Frank nodded, telling you he was ready for the next part.

You turned his arm outward slowly, clenching your teeth at the sickening sound of his shoulder grinding back into place. You stepped back and Frank tested the arm a little. Satisfied, he reached for the first aid kit, knocking it off the counter.

“Here,” you said, grabbing up the kit and placing it back on the counter. You turned to the other sink to wash your hands. “Talk to me, please.”

Frank grabbed the needle and thread, still not saying a word as he made to stitch his own arm.

“Don’t be hard headed. You called me here, now let me help.” You took the needle from him, wiping the blood away from where he needed stitches with gauze and disinfectant. “Just tell me what happened.”

Frank gave you a look that you would only later identify as pity, before watching his reflection in the mirror. Distancing himself from the situation. “Russo,” Frank whispered.

Your eyes snapped up in his direction. He was still staring into the mirror. “Billy did this to you?”

Frank shook his head. “Most of it was that kid, Lewis Wilson. Blew himself up and I wasn’t too far away.”

“And the rest?” you asked, dreading the answer.

“Bill shot me in the head; said this all ended with me.”

Your bottom lip quivered as you fought back a sob. Just then, David walked into the bathroom to lean against the stalls behind Frank, he was still holding onto his shoulder from your earlier assault.

“Looks like your buddy Billy Russo turned out to be dirty after all.”

You ignored him, moving to stitch the wound on Frank’s head closed. The wound that Billy caused. You felt Frank stiffen as the needle went in and the skin was pulled closed. He tried to keep his face even, but you knew Frank too well to be tricked by the tactic. 

“I’m so sorry.” Your voice was barely a whisper and your eyes welled up and a few tears ran down your cheeks as you stood there on your toes, reaching up to break the sutures with your teeth after you finished.

“I can’t imagine how you two must feel, knowing that Billy betrayed you…”

Frank finally looked at you again, his eyes trying to convey every apology they could.

“…but we gotta be smart here. I went to Madani because that was the plan, Frank.” David was still talking. You had drowned him out some, but Frank didn’t miss you flinch as you heard the name Madani.

“David, give us a minute,” Frank ordered, not looking away from you.

David left the bathroom, still mumbling about sticking to the plan. As soon as he was gone, you stepped closer and the two of you wrapped your arms around each other; staining your tank top and your bare arms with his blood. The shirt would be ruined, but you didn’t care. Frank was holding you now and you finally had a safe place to let out the hardship of all this time without him and the troubles you’d faced with Billy more recently. Being in his arms made everything just a little bit easier.

After some time, Frank took to explaining what he’d done since not-dying, and what he knew about Billy—which in the grand scheme of things was actually so little—to you while he stood there in the bathroom holding you as you cried into his chest. Billy and Dinah, Billy and Rawlins, Billy shooting him in the head and even threatening to go through Dinah to get to him, all those ‘contracts upstate,’ everything he had put together on the way back from the hotel.

“And here I thought he was only cheating on me…” You were tearing yourself down and Frank hated every second of it. Suddenly, some of that anger he was feeling towards Billy was pointed towards himself. Frank knew how much you loved Billy and he you spun it the right way, it was his fault this was happening. Maybe if he hadn’t pulled Dinah from that car things would be different. Maybe if he’d let you back out of that blind date all those years ago. Maybe if he’d trusted you like he should have and let you know he was alive all this time, you wouldn’t be suffering right now.

Frank was pulled out of beating himself up when he and David started arguing about betrayal, but even that had been cut short when you discovered that his family had been kidnapped. You watched Frank talk to Leo and in that moment you were reminded of Lisa and Frank Jr. and you couldn’t help the happy, but painful memories that came. 

After, you helped David load up the van before he sped off after his daughter. In the meantime, Frank took to arming the power station for the firefight he was expecting. He emerged from the back of the station wearing a tactical vest with a white skull painted on it.

The image of him sending chills down your spine. “Never thought I’d see that guy again.”

“Can you get yourself home?”

“I kinda moved out the other night, so home is a hotel for now, but yeah. I got here on my own, didn’t I?”

Frank made a face at that; as if he needed yet another reason to kill Billy. He fished in his pocket and tossed you a key. “Do me a favor, kid. Get your shit out of that hotel and go to my apartment. I’ll see you when this is over.”

You caught the key, getting up and making to leave without any questions. Frank grabbed your arm, stopping you.

“Y/N. When Bill shows up here- I’m…I’ve already lost him. I can’t lose you too.”

You never doubted Frank. Sure, he had done some gruesome things in the past, even in the not so distant past—things that if the circumstances were different from war and well-deserved revenge, you might think he was a monster—but you never doubted him.

“I know. You do what you have to. I forgive you.” You surprised yourself, one, you didn’t think you had any more tears to cry after that moment in the bathroom, and two, you had just told your best friend, your brother, that you would forgive him for killing the man you loved.

Frank kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around you. It felt like goodbye. “You gotta get outta here.”

“Yeah.”

Less than an hour later you were back in your hotel room; packing your bag for the second time that week when your hands found the pink box of pregnancy test sticks that you picked up a few days ago. Holding it in your hand for a moment, you debated between packing it in your bag and going, or taking the test right now. You opted for the latter; tearing the box open and heading for the bathroom.

Moments later, you were leaning against the bathroom counter, staring at the little digital hourglass as it spun around on the tiny screen on the stick. Finally, the stick beeped and you read the results on the little screen. You sighed, and a bitter laugh escaped your lips.

“Okay. This is…this a good thing, Y/N,” you told yourself, giving yourself a pep talk as you wiped the forming tears away.

Just then, you heard the door to your room click open.

“I don’t need housekeeping right now,” you called, walking out into the main area. “I’ll just-“

You gasped aloud when you saw him standing there blocking the doorway. He was a man you hoped you’d never see again. As he cocked the gun in his gloved hands and raised it at you, your heart was pounding so hard in your chest that it hurt.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“Rawlins…”


	6. Forsaken

You woke up on the floor of some warehouse with your hands bound in cuffs and a sharp pain shooting through your head. You remembered Rawlins surprising you in the hotel room and honestly, you were a little pissed at how easy it had been to make you comply; all he had to do was threaten Frank and Billy, and you were willingly walking to his car. He hadn’t even needed the gun after that but he kept it on you anyway, cracking you across the skull and knocking you out as soon as the car started moving.

“That explains the headache,” you thought to yourself.

You sat up to get your bearings, but Rawlins’ voice distracted you.

“Good. You’re awake. I was beginning to think I hit you a little too hard.”

“You didn’t need to hit me at all. I was coming with you willingly.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

You had only met Rawlins once before. He had come to Frank’s house asking about him and Billy. He hadn’t harmed anyone, but the encounter left you and Maria with sick feelings in your stomachs. When Frank and Billy got back and you told them about it, they explained (in little detail apparently) just how dangerous he was. Billy had nightmares for a week straight after that.

Rawlins got you up by the wrists and hoisted them up on a hook that hung from the ceiling. You were really beginning to worry now. Here you were agreeing to give the man whatever information he wanted—probably something on Frank or Billy—and he still felt the need to string you up so your feet were barely touching the ground. The situation reminded you of the video David and Frank had shown you of Ahmad Zubair hanging similarly from the ceiling of some basement in Afghanistan as he was being tortured.

You took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “What do you want?”

He grabbed your chin roughly. “Frank Castle. Your brother.” He spat the words as if they were something disgusting in his mouth. “You know he’s alive, yes?”

You answered with a gulp. “Yes.”

“We’re off to a good start.”

Rawlins let go of your face to pull out a knife. He ran it up your abdomen, the blade easily cutting part of the bloody tank top you wore. You hadn’t gotten the chance to change out of it after hugging Frank at the power station. He smoothed the flat side of the blade down your arm slowly, seemingly entranced by what he was doing. He was enjoying himself.

“And you know about the computers in the power station.”

“I—”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I know you were there.”

He drug the knife across your chest, making it heave in response. The tip of the blade left the faintest red streak in its wake.

“I was there with Frank…and David Lieberman.”

“I know that. I want you to tell me something I don’t know. What’s the password? Hm? How do we get onto those computers?”

A few tears escaped before you could help it. You didn’t know, and you were genuinely afraid of what this man would do when you gave him an answer he didn’t like. “I don’t know,” you finally confessed.

Rawlins turned the blade, cutting along your cheek in a flash. He spun the knife in his hands and pressed the tip to your shoulder just at the end of your collarbone. He applied more pressure, barely piercing your flesh as he spoke.

“Let’s come back to that one, shall we? Tell me what’s on those computers.”

“The video of you torturing Zubair. Lieberman is planning to—”

“Lieberman is dead. He’s not going to do anything. So I need you to tell me how to get that video.”

You spoke through gritted teeth as the blade pierced deeper into you. “I swear I don’t know—”

A scream left your lips as Rawlins sunk the rest of the blade into your shoulder. He brought his body flush with yours and you could feel his hardness through his pants as he touched his cheek to yours, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered that he could keep up this torture all day.

***

Your body was stiff and aching when you stirred, opening your eyes for a moment but shutting them quickly when you realized someone was carrying you and the room started to spin. As things became clearer, you could make out Billy and Frank talking in the distance, so you tried to focus on their voices as they came closer.

“I wasn’t there. If I was, you’d be in the ground, because I wouldn’t have missed…”

“But you knew about it, didn’t you?”

What were they talking about? Why weren’t either of them trying to help you?

“…my kids loved you.” Frank’s voice broke and Billy sounded absolutely cold when he spoke.

“If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can’t… I did not want this.”

You drifted off for another moment, dreaming of the times when you and Billy would go to the park with Frank, Maria, and the kids. Then you remembered telling Billy they were killed in the park. Come to think of it, he had kept you from going with them that day, and afterwards, he had seemed just as distant then as he did now with Frank. You assumed it was the trauma of the whole thing, but now you realized he had been like that because he knew it was going to happen. Billy had already done his mourning.

Just then, Rawlins walked into the room carrying you over his shoulder and dropping you into a chair near Frank who tried harder to break from his restraints when he got a good look at you. “I’m gonna kill you! I swear to god, Bill. You hurt her…”

Frank’s words were lost on Billy as he fought to keep his composure, gauging the damage that had been done to you. There was a nasty bruise over your eye, you were wearing a blood-soaked tank top, but it looked like it had dried over and he couldn’t see that it was coming from anywhere in particular. Finally, he eyed the fresh blood that was trickling down your arm from a wound in your shoulder. You had lost a lot of blood and were probably suffering from a concussion.

“I doubt if she knows anything about this, Rawlins.”

Rawlins’ reply was too chipper as he confirmed Billy’s suspicions. “Oh, she doesn’t. Trust me, I was very thorough.”

“You trust this piece of shit, Bill? Look at that. He’s got your girl beat to Hell—”

Rawlins spoke up. “Billy and I have mutual interests, Frank. What benefits him benefits me.”

“What about when it doesn’t, asshole? How’s hurting her benefit him? Huh?”

Billy rolled his neck, clenching his jaw before he spoke. “Orders are orders, Frankie,” he said, pulling his gaze from you to Frank.

You turned and finally got a grasp on the situation. Frank was tied to a chair; blood leaking from where the wound you stitched before had come open, and Billy was standing over him; clearly the aggressor here. They both looked so tired. Seeing them like this—even after everything Billy had done—it was breaking you.

Billy sighed, seemingly irritated with the ordeal. This had no doubt gone beyond anything he’d expected. “Give me the passwords and we can call it a day.”

Rawlins rolled his sleeves up and made a show of putting on his gloves as he walked over to you. “Because it will get much more painful if you don’t…for her.”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, digging his thumb into the wound that was there, making you cry out as pain shot through your chest and down your arm. He whipped out his gun and cocked it, resting the barrel against your head. Billy tensed, but he didn’t move to stop Rawlins.

You bit your lip, trying to calm yourself as Rawlins jammed his thumb around in the wound. Frank could hardly get the words out fast enough as he agreed to give them the passwords. “Okay. Okay, stop….don’t hurt her. Don’t hurt her.”

Rawlins disarmed the gun, placing it back in his holster as he approached Frank and Billy. “That’s how you interrogate a man, Russo. It’s a shame you gave it up so easily, Castle. I’m not done with you just yet.” 

You had seen Frank take a few beatings in your life; had seen him come home with all kinds of scrapes and wounds, but the way Rawlins was beating him right now was overkill. He had planned to murder Frank whether he got into the computers or not. After a few more hits for good measure, Rawlins had two men carry Frank in the chair up the few stairs to the computer. 

It was hard to stay awake after that. “Billy,” you called weakly, barely able to lift your head in his direction. He was kneeling in front of you in seconds, betraying the façade that he didn’t care what happened to you. “Make him stop.”

He placed his hand on your cheek and you winced when his fingers brushed against the cut that was there. “I can’t do that, Y/N.”

You were sobbing openly now. “He’ll kill me.”

“No, he won’t,” he said without missing a beat. “You don’t have anything he wants—"

“But I’ve seen all of this…and look at me. What would you do?”

Billy tapped his forehead on your knee, weighing the options for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “I can’t-“ his voice wavered for a moment and he cleared his throat, steeling himself before speaking again. “This isn’t on me. You were dead the minute you let him capture you.”

He made to get up.

“I’m pregnant,” you whispered, pulling his attention back to you.

Before he could say anything else, Rawlins was yelling and Frank was on him. Billy ran to pull them apart and Rawlins knocked Frank out.

***

Billy was crouched in front of you, gently slapping your face to keep you conscious.

“Stay with me, Y/N.”

You blinked slowly, unable to focus for more than a few moments at a time. “Billy?” Confusion and nausea washed over you, as you turned and saw Rawlins beating Frank until he was unrecognizable and choking on his own blood. “Frank…”

“Shh, shh. Frankie’s gonna be just fine, alright?”

Frank was begging; crying for Maria. The next moments came in flashes. You blinked and Billy had gotten behind Frank and put a gun to his temple.

You blinked again and Frank was breaking free from the chair. You saw Rawlins drive the knife into his stomach, but he had pulled it out, completely unphased by it and stabbed Rawlins with it over and over again.

You don’t know how you got up, but when you opened your eyes this time, Billy was gone and you were kneeling over Frank, trying to wake him up with your good arm. You cursed yourself for not being able to focus long enough to see if he was breathing.

“Frank? Come on, Frank. Get up. Please…”

You tried to shake away the blurry vision. You had even pressed your hand into your eyes for a moment, but it only got worse. The edges of your vision were quickly fading to black. You tried to wake Frank again, but he wasn’t responding at all.

Suddenly you felt exhausted, and it took everything not to close your eyes again, but it was a losing battle. You rested your head on his chest, pleading one last time.

“Don’t leave me, Frank. You’re all I have left.”


	7. Goodbye

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” you said, smiling to yourself as you played with the engagement ring on your finger. “Course I do. I can’t imagine life without him. He’s so…Billy’s got so much love to give. It’s a shame it took so long for him to have a family to give it to.”

“Don’t go getting all sappy on me.”

“Shut up,” you said. Playfully punching Frank’s shoulder. “You asked me, I answered.”

You listened to the sounds of the waves for a moment as the wind blew the salty scent of the ocean towards you. After a brief moment of comfortable silence, Frank spoke up again, eyeing the ring.

“Talk to him.”

“Frank, we’ve been together almost two years. Hell, we’ve been living together since… He know’s exactly what I’m gonna say,” you explained as if the answer should be obvious.

Frank shrugged. “Does he?”

“Yes.”

Frank sighed. “He asks his girlfriend of two years to marry him and instead of giving him an answer, she dodges him for two days. I’m betting he’s got no idea what you’re gonna say.”

“He knows I love him…”

“He’s not a mind reader, Y/N.”

******

A nurse and three officers escorted Frank to your hospital room. He shuffled along with cuffs around his hands and ankles.

“Is all of this necessary, officers? My patient could do a lot better if he could at least walk.”

The officers just made faces and the nurse guided Frank to the chair near your bed. You were hooked up to a few different IV’s, monitors were going, and you had a tube feeding you oxygen through your nose. There were dark bruises covering your face and trailing down your neck and arm. Frank teared up just looking at you.

“She gonna wake up?” Frank asked the nurse as she was heading out of the room to pass the three officers who had taken up post outside of the door. The nurse turned and picked up the clipboard at the foot of the hospital bed. She sighed deeply as she read the chart.

“Yes. I don’t know when. Could be a few hours…few days maybe, but there’s nothing here that indicates that she wouldn’t wake up. Your sister was tortured. Her head injury and that wound in her shoulder are both tricky. I imagine it’ll take a long time to fully heal.” She put down the chart. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. Her doctor will be back later today to-”

“What about the baby? Is it…is it gonna be okay?”

The nurse frowned, picking up the chart again and flipping to another page. She walked over to Frank to show him the clipboard, pointing to a specific line on the paper.

Frank leaned over to see it, smiling when he read what the nurse was pointing to. “That’s my girl.” He looked back to the nurse. “Thank you. She’s all I got left.”

The nurse gave a somber nod and left the room.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Frank said with a sigh. “I never thought that this would- I hoped I’d never see you like this. But you’re strong.” Frank nodded to himself. “You’re gonna pull through and we’re gonna get past this.”

A few hours later, the doctor came in to explain the extent of your injuries to Frank. The unconsciousness had been due not only to the concussion, but also as your body’s way of coping with the physical and mental stress you had been through. There was no reason you wouldn’t wake up. Your body was just going to take all the time it needed.

When you did wake, it was brief. You had a dull headache; dull aches all over your body, actually. You tried to sit up, but quickly laid back down since your head was swimming. Apparently, you were on a lot of medicine to keep the pain at bay. You swallowed hard with a dry throat and turned to the side. Frank had fallen asleep. He had one hand cuffed to the arm of the chair. He was slouched in it, the awkward position clearly the best he could do to get comfortable there.

Before long, you were sleeping again.

You woke again when someone walked into your room. It was Frank. Still in hospital clothes, but the cuffs were gone. He had been a sight himself. Dark bruises covered his face. More than when you saw him a few days ago. He looked like he’d been in another fight since then.

“Frank…” you rasped. Tears spilled from your eyes as he came to the side of the bed, reaching for your hand.

“Easy,” he said, helping you when you tried to sit up.

“You look like shit,” he said after staring at you for a moment.

You laughed. “Yeah, so do you.” You sighed. “I really feel like it though. My whole body—most of it anyway—feels like I got hit by a few busses.”

“Most of it?”

“Yeah, I—I can’t feel a thing in my right arm. The wound doesn’t even hurt-“

“I’ll call the nurse-“ Frank was reaching for the call button, but you stopped him.

“No! Before they come in here and tell me they’re gonna cut off my arm, or that I have inoperable nerve damage or something, just talk to me.”

“Y/N.”

“Please? I thought…he stabbed you and…You were bleeding out. I couldn’t wake you up,” you recalled aloud. 

Frank shrugged. “When’s some asshole with a knife ever stopped me?”

You laughed a little. After a short silence, you sighed. Eyeing the package in the chair, you asked. “What’s all that?”

“Get outta jail free package.”

You made a face, as if to say ‘oh, that explains everything.’ 

“Frank Castle’s still at large. Pete Castiglione is a free man…” Frank said, repeating what he’d been told earlier. He had gone on explaining more of the details of his release to you, but you spaced out, getting lost in your thoughts about Billy, who Frank has failed to even acknowledge so far. 

You vaguely remembered seeing him cut Franks ties, but you also remembered a few other confusing and contradictory things that didn’t make any sense to you. One thing you did remember though; when you werre trying to wake Frank up, just beffore you passed out, Billy was nowhere to be found. 

“What happened to Billy, Frank?” you asked suddenly. You didn’t miss Franks face hardening for a moment beffore he could hide it from you. He got quiet and just looked at you with sad eyes. Frank didn’t want to give you the gory details, but when the tears started again, he felt like he owed you.

“Russo ran. Too busy covering his own ass to get you out of there. We fought at the Painted Ponies.” Frank looked away. “When the time came…dying would have been too easy.”

“You let him go?” you asked, incredulous. “After everything he did-“

“I put his face through a mirror…’bout a dozen times. I wanted him to wake up every morning and wish for it. I did not go easy on him, Y/N,” Frank admitted, meeting your eyes again.

“You should have killed him,” you whispered, looking down at your arm.

Frank shook his head. “This is better.”

“How is this better, Frank?”

“Doctors spent 11 hours trying to put his face back together; trying to stitch the hole in his gut. The CIA pinned the bombings on him. He might not wake up, but if he does, he’ll wish he was dead. Every second of every god damn day.”

“I feel ashamed,” you admitted.

“None of this is your fault.”

“Isn’t it? Isn’t some of this on me? I was engaged to him. I knew he was taking some shady deals here and there. I should have seen him for who he really was.”

“Russo fooled all of us.”

******

The next day, the doctors released you and Frank from the hospital with a long list of prescription medications and the assurance that the feeling in your arm would come back after a bit of physical therapy. You were currently wearing a brace that would immobilize your shoulder collarbone long enough for it to start healing.

Frank had been against it, but you insisted on seeing Billy in the ICU before you left the hospital.

The armed guards and hospital staff were reluctant to let you in to see him, but as Billy’s emergency contact and technically his fiancé, they ultimately let you in with a guard supervising.

No matter how you felt about him now, It was hard to see him like this. His head and neck were bandaged all around; the dressings bleeding through even though they were wrapped a couple inches thick in some places.

You sat down in the chair next to his bed, stuffing your hand into the pocket of your jacket. After the CIA paid you to keep your mouth shut about Rawlins, they were nice enough to give you and Frank jogging suits to replace your bloody clothing.

You just sat there for a moment, watching him. Your head filling with memories of being with him that were suddenly tainted by knowing the motivations behind some of his actions. You couldn’t help but wonder if he ever really loved you or if you were just another person to throw away when you stopped being useful to him.

“I loved you,” you started. “I loved you so goddamn much. We all did, Billy. And you chose yourself over every single one of us.” You wiped at the tears that streamed down your face.

“I keep thinking I should have seen this coming. Looking back, there were a few red flags that should have tipped me off, but I never even considered it. I never thought you could do that to us. Not you….because you were family.”

“You know, after Madani, I was going to take you back. Try to fix things because we’d been through so much together, but now…” You bit your lip, looking up at his sleeping form. “I hope you never wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series 2: Once More, with Feeling (Coming after The Punisher season 2 releases)


End file.
